I know I'm a few days behind on this post; but I feel this subject was important enough to give it a little more time.
Last week's goal was learning how to forgive yourself. Doing what you can to fix your mistakes, then having the courage to move on. Letting go of baggage so you can focus on LIVING your life instead in staying mired in the past.
How did you do? I know this is something I've struggled with my entire life - but I am getting better at it. If nothing else, hopefully you were able to let go of some of the minor things you've regretted. Sometimes, tackling the bigger issues takes some planning and major readjustment of your habits and behavior.
Self forgiveness. Great concept, hard to do. Like any other skill you want to master, it takes practice. It takes time. But once that burden is lifted, it can be so liberating!
To change subjects, this month happens to have five weeks in it, and I only had four weekly goals planned.
Hmmm.
I think maybe I'll use my next post to recap March's focus of "self" and review each of the weekly goals. For those of you just joining me, it will be as if you've missed nothing at all.
You can thank me later ;)
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Sunday, March 27, 2011
To Forgive, Divine
First of all, thanks to those who've let me know you're reading and enjoying this blog; it really makes it worth the effort :)
There is a quote which states "To err is human; to forgive, divine." My interpretation of the first part is: due to human nature, we will make mistakes. No one is perfect; it's a matter of when, not if, we are bound to do something wrong. And while everyone makes mistakes, not everyone is equipped to forgive others their shortcomings. This is where the second section of the saying comes in. While it's within human nature to err, learning to forgive is often something which fails to come naturally. It's an attribute worthy to strive towards, one that will elevate us a to a higher level of living.
While we recognize the importance of forgiving others, how often do we realize the necessity of applying this concept to ourselves. I would even like to argue that in order to fully be able to forgive others, we must first be able to move beyond our own shortcomings.
What is the danger of hanging on to past mistakes? An example that comes to mind is when I played basketball in high school. I worked hard and had some natural ability, yet during my sophomore and junior years, I often found myself on the bench for varsity games. I stressed and wondered why I didn't play more minutes. After analyzing my performance, I came to a startling conclusion - I had been responsible for the coach's hesitance to play me. I realized that whenever I made a mistake while playing, I was obsessively worried and focused about what I'd done. Instead of moving on, I was stuck replaying what had gone wrong, becoming an ineffectual player for the remainder of the game. Luckily, I was able to adjust my mindset during my senior year, and as a result, played more minutes and even started some games.
In life, how often are we trapped or paralyzed by holding on to our past mistakes, basically taking ourselves "out of the game"? Life goes on whether we're prepared or not, so it's up to us to forgive ourselves, forget our mistakes, and once more became an effective player.
What things prevent us from self forgiveness? The following behaviors are some I have personally struggled with:
Don't get me wrong - I'm not saying it's okay to do anything you want without care for the consequences. There are mistakes which definitely need to be rectified, especially those that affect your relationships with others. I recommend that you do what you can to fix it, try never to do it again, and then move on.
After all, YOU are the most important player in your game of life... and it's just not worth taking yourself indefinitely out of the game.
There is a quote which states "To err is human; to forgive, divine." My interpretation of the first part is: due to human nature, we will make mistakes. No one is perfect; it's a matter of when, not if, we are bound to do something wrong. And while everyone makes mistakes, not everyone is equipped to forgive others their shortcomings. This is where the second section of the saying comes in. While it's within human nature to err, learning to forgive is often something which fails to come naturally. It's an attribute worthy to strive towards, one that will elevate us a to a higher level of living.
While we recognize the importance of forgiving others, how often do we realize the necessity of applying this concept to ourselves. I would even like to argue that in order to fully be able to forgive others, we must first be able to move beyond our own shortcomings.
What is the danger of hanging on to past mistakes? An example that comes to mind is when I played basketball in high school. I worked hard and had some natural ability, yet during my sophomore and junior years, I often found myself on the bench for varsity games. I stressed and wondered why I didn't play more minutes. After analyzing my performance, I came to a startling conclusion - I had been responsible for the coach's hesitance to play me. I realized that whenever I made a mistake while playing, I was obsessively worried and focused about what I'd done. Instead of moving on, I was stuck replaying what had gone wrong, becoming an ineffectual player for the remainder of the game. Luckily, I was able to adjust my mindset during my senior year, and as a result, played more minutes and even started some games.
In life, how often are we trapped or paralyzed by holding on to our past mistakes, basically taking ourselves "out of the game"? Life goes on whether we're prepared or not, so it's up to us to forgive ourselves, forget our mistakes, and once more became an effective player.
What things prevent us from self forgiveness? The following behaviors are some I have personally struggled with:
- unrealistic expectations
- feelings of unworthiness
- focusing on what others might think
Don't get me wrong - I'm not saying it's okay to do anything you want without care for the consequences. There are mistakes which definitely need to be rectified, especially those that affect your relationships with others. I recommend that you do what you can to fix it, try never to do it again, and then move on.
After all, YOU are the most important player in your game of life... and it's just not worth taking yourself indefinitely out of the game.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
An Honest Woman
This little guy is trying his hardest to ensure I remain an honest woman:
Remember THIS post about embracing the fact I've turned forty by not feeling ashamed to tell others my age? It seems my child is determined to hold me to that; he's been taking great delight lately in announcing to the world (both friends and strangers) that his mom is now forty years old.
The lastest incidence happened over the weekend while visiting a park. My son and and another child were playing on a piece of bouncy equipment which had three seats, and they were wanting someone else to balance it out. The little girl turned to her mother and asked if she could join them. The mother took one look at the bouncy seat and declined, saying she was too big.
This is when my son pipes up and says,"That's okay - my mom was riding on it just a few minutes ago before you guys came and she's a lot bigger than you. She's FORTY years old!"
If anyone out there hasn't heard by now, yes - I'm forty. And if you care to disagree, just ask my little boy. He's more than ready to tell you just how old I am!
Remember THIS post about embracing the fact I've turned forty by not feeling ashamed to tell others my age? It seems my child is determined to hold me to that; he's been taking great delight lately in announcing to the world (both friends and strangers) that his mom is now forty years old.
The lastest incidence happened over the weekend while visiting a park. My son and and another child were playing on a piece of bouncy equipment which had three seats, and they were wanting someone else to balance it out. The little girl turned to her mother and asked if she could join them. The mother took one look at the bouncy seat and declined, saying she was too big.
This is when my son pipes up and says,"That's okay - my mom was riding on it just a few minutes ago before you guys came and she's a lot bigger than you. She's FORTY years old!"
If anyone out there hasn't heard by now, yes - I'm forty. And if you care to disagree, just ask my little boy. He's more than ready to tell you just how old I am!
Monday, March 21, 2011
Weekly Goal #4 - Forgiving Yourself
Wow, it's hard to believe the fourth week of March is already here! I don't know about you, but I'm ready for spring to stay.
It's the start of a new week, which means its time to begin work on a new goal. As the title of this post states, the goal for this week is "forgiving yourself".
I tend to be my own worst critic. When I make a mistake, I can harp over the issue for sometimes days or even weeks, depending on how important it was. I'm sure most everyone has felt the same way at some point. The result of this behavior is baggage we create for ourselves, baggage that we drag around. This baggage affects our ability to be happy, can prevent us from being productive, and interferes with our relationships with others. It may even eventually pull us down into depression.
This week, I'm going to resolve to stop beating myself up over past mistakes. When I do mess up - which will happen, as I'm only human - I will try to fix it the best I can and then move on. I am willing to forgive others; I need to extend that same courtesy to myself. After all, life is too short for dwelling on the "what ifs" and "should haves".
It's the start of a new week, which means its time to begin work on a new goal. As the title of this post states, the goal for this week is "forgiving yourself".
I tend to be my own worst critic. When I make a mistake, I can harp over the issue for sometimes days or even weeks, depending on how important it was. I'm sure most everyone has felt the same way at some point. The result of this behavior is baggage we create for ourselves, baggage that we drag around. This baggage affects our ability to be happy, can prevent us from being productive, and interferes with our relationships with others. It may even eventually pull us down into depression.
This week, I'm going to resolve to stop beating myself up over past mistakes. When I do mess up - which will happen, as I'm only human - I will try to fix it the best I can and then move on. I am willing to forgive others; I need to extend that same courtesy to myself. After all, life is too short for dwelling on the "what ifs" and "should haves".
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Checking In
First of all, I want to apologize to those of you who read my last post before I had a chance to proof it. I was a little distracted when I wrote it, which was pretty evident when I went back later and saw the many mistakes I'd made. Sorry to those of you who had to suffer through it!
Anyway, it's the end of the week, and you know what that means.
Time to see how the week went!
Did you try something new, or make a goal to do so? Hopefully, at the very least you were able to examine your life and think about any changes you might want to make.
I completed my goal by running in a 10K race yesterday:
Initially, I was a bit nervous about competing but I am SO GLAD I was able to overcome my fears. I had a great experience and beat my goal time by over three minutes. I finished in the top third of my age group and came in 294th out of 800 runners. I will definitely be doing this again!
Please check in tomorrow as I reveal the fourth and final goal of "finding self".
I hope you're having a wonderful weekend :)
Anyway, it's the end of the week, and you know what that means.
Time to see how the week went!
Did you try something new, or make a goal to do so? Hopefully, at the very least you were able to examine your life and think about any changes you might want to make.
I completed my goal by running in a 10K race yesterday:
with my littlest fan after the race
Initially, I was a bit nervous about competing but I am SO GLAD I was able to overcome my fears. I had a great experience and beat my goal time by over three minutes. I finished in the top third of my age group and came in 294th out of 800 runners. I will definitely be doing this again!
Please check in tomorrow as I reveal the fourth and final goal of "finding self".
I hope you're having a wonderful weekend :)
Friday, March 18, 2011
Overcoming Fear
Dare to dream, learn to fly
You'll never know until
you try...
As I posted at the beginning of the week, this week's goal is "try something new".
I've often wondered what it is that prevents someone from spreading their wings and breaking out of their comfort zone. There are many things one can use as an excuse - lack of time, money issues, and not knowing where to start, just to name a few. However, I believe these excuses are used to hide the much bigger reason we fail to push ourselves - FEAR.
Fear of making mistakes. Fear of ridicule. Fear of failure
And sometimes, even fear of success.
How many times have you wanted to try something new, only to be stopped by doubts and fears? I know some of the thoughts I've experienced are: What if it doesn't work? What if I end up looking foolish? What will others think of me?
I'm currently having some issues with my four-year-old about this very subject. He tends to be very routine-oriented and is somewhat of a perfectionist. As a result, he's hesitant about trying anything new and gets extremely upset if he can't do it right the first time. Sometimes, he'll even refuse to try at all if he feels he can't win or be the best at it. This reaction may seem childish and extreme, but how many of you have ever felt the same way?
What happens when you give in to your doubts? You end up staying in the safety of what you know and are comfortable with. I know you're thinking that doesn't sound like a bad place to be, and I guess it's not. Yet, it's not a good place to be, either. You see, if you always stick with the status quo, you create stasis - the opposite of change. The result? You end up cheating yourself by failing to provide opportunities for growth.
Our daughter has nearly the opposite attitude as our youngest; she is willing to give almost anything a try. As a result, she has found growth and happiness through a variety of experiences. One of these is swimming, a sport she took up when she was eight years old. For the past ten years, swimming has been a major part of her life as she's competed for both high school and club. Not only has she enjoyed success in winning the majority of her races, but the growth she has gained through dedication, sacrifice, and being part of a team has been outstanding. My husband and I cannot imagine what the past decade would have been like without swimming and know our daughter would not be the same person without having this experience. We are extremely grateful that at that critical point ten years ago, our daughter was willing to give this "new" activity a try!
Sometimes, working up the courage push out of a comfort zone is easier said that done. Here are some strategies I've found helpful:
You'll never know until
you try...
As I posted at the beginning of the week, this week's goal is "try something new".
I've often wondered what it is that prevents someone from spreading their wings and breaking out of their comfort zone. There are many things one can use as an excuse - lack of time, money issues, and not knowing where to start, just to name a few. However, I believe these excuses are used to hide the much bigger reason we fail to push ourselves - FEAR.
Fear of making mistakes. Fear of ridicule. Fear of failure
And sometimes, even fear of success.
How many times have you wanted to try something new, only to be stopped by doubts and fears? I know some of the thoughts I've experienced are: What if it doesn't work? What if I end up looking foolish? What will others think of me?
I'm currently having some issues with my four-year-old about this very subject. He tends to be very routine-oriented and is somewhat of a perfectionist. As a result, he's hesitant about trying anything new and gets extremely upset if he can't do it right the first time. Sometimes, he'll even refuse to try at all if he feels he can't win or be the best at it. This reaction may seem childish and extreme, but how many of you have ever felt the same way?
What happens when you give in to your doubts? You end up staying in the safety of what you know and are comfortable with. I know you're thinking that doesn't sound like a bad place to be, and I guess it's not. Yet, it's not a good place to be, either. You see, if you always stick with the status quo, you create stasis - the opposite of change. The result? You end up cheating yourself by failing to provide opportunities for growth.
Our daughter has nearly the opposite attitude as our youngest; she is willing to give almost anything a try. As a result, she has found growth and happiness through a variety of experiences. One of these is swimming, a sport she took up when she was eight years old. For the past ten years, swimming has been a major part of her life as she's competed for both high school and club. Not only has she enjoyed success in winning the majority of her races, but the growth she has gained through dedication, sacrifice, and being part of a team has been outstanding. My husband and I cannot imagine what the past decade would have been like without swimming and know our daughter would not be the same person without having this experience. We are extremely grateful that at that critical point ten years ago, our daughter was willing to give this "new" activity a try!
Sometimes, working up the courage push out of a comfort zone is easier said that done. Here are some strategies I've found helpful:
- Start small. If you're having difficulty breaking out of your comfort zone, trying expanding on something you already know or are comfortable with.
- Do it for yourself. Don't try something because of pressure from someone else. In order to have a good experience, you need do do it because YOU want to.
- Avoid setting yourself up to fail. When I decided to run a 10k, I knew I couldn't just show up the day of the race and expect to finish without training first. Take the necessary measures and preparation to succeed.
- If at first you don't succeed... If things don't go as planned, it's okay - maybe you'll get it right next time. It took Thomas Edison around 1000 tries before he created a working light bulb; I'm sure glad he didn't give it up after the the first time!
- There is no age limit. It's never too late to start, and you can definitely teach an old dog new tricks! A good example of this is acclaimed artist Grandma Moses, who didn't start painting until her eighties.
- Don't worry about what others might think. It's YOUR life, and other people shouldn't make judgements and assumptions. And if they do - who cares? The only person you should try to impress is yourself :)
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
What I am Doing
I thought I'd share the new thing I'm trying this week.
I'm planning to run my first 10k.
Friends who know me from high school are probably thinking 'what's the big deal about that?' For those of you who know little about me or my earlier years, let me share a bit of my background. I was a sprinter. A member of the high school track team for four years and a state champion in three events. I had scholarship offers, but an injury at the state meet my senior year put an end to pursuing a collegiate career. However, I loved running and continued to run regularly into my late twenties.
However, a year after the birth of my third child, I began to experience major health problems. Debilitating health problems. After a battery of tests was inconclusive, the doctors decided I was probably experiencing chronic fatigue syndrome. I would have bouts of intense fibromyalgia and painful joints, sometimes accompanied by phlebitis (swelling and irritation of the veins). For roughly a year, I was nearly bedridden. It was an extremely difficult time for me and my family, as you can imagine.
After making some lifestyle changes, I slowly began to improve. I resumed my regular activities as soon as I was able - almost all of them, that is. After months of trying to run, I learned my body could no long handle high impact exercise, and I sadly gave up my great love.
For ten years, I gradually became stronger. About two years ago, I decided the time had come to give running another try. We had just moved to St. George, and the climate is perfect for year-round training. I was a little hesitant to begin with, but after experimentation found I could handle 3-4 days of moderate training per week without flaring up my joint and muscle problems.
What a joy it's been to be able to return to something I loved so dearly! There have been adjustments made; I was a sprinter before, not a distance runner, and I don't know if I'll ever return to 100%. Yet, I've been able to compete in two 5k races so far. I decided it was time to push myself out of my comfort zone and tackle a 10k.
So there you have it - I'm trying my first 10k this weekend. Am I nervous? Yes, a bit. But, I can always walk it if I need to...and I'll never know if I can do it until I at least try.
I'm planning to run my first 10k.
Friends who know me from high school are probably thinking 'what's the big deal about that?' For those of you who know little about me or my earlier years, let me share a bit of my background. I was a sprinter. A member of the high school track team for four years and a state champion in three events. I had scholarship offers, but an injury at the state meet my senior year put an end to pursuing a collegiate career. However, I loved running and continued to run regularly into my late twenties.
However, a year after the birth of my third child, I began to experience major health problems. Debilitating health problems. After a battery of tests was inconclusive, the doctors decided I was probably experiencing chronic fatigue syndrome. I would have bouts of intense fibromyalgia and painful joints, sometimes accompanied by phlebitis (swelling and irritation of the veins). For roughly a year, I was nearly bedridden. It was an extremely difficult time for me and my family, as you can imagine.
After making some lifestyle changes, I slowly began to improve. I resumed my regular activities as soon as I was able - almost all of them, that is. After months of trying to run, I learned my body could no long handle high impact exercise, and I sadly gave up my great love.
For ten years, I gradually became stronger. About two years ago, I decided the time had come to give running another try. We had just moved to St. George, and the climate is perfect for year-round training. I was a little hesitant to begin with, but after experimentation found I could handle 3-4 days of moderate training per week without flaring up my joint and muscle problems.
What a joy it's been to be able to return to something I loved so dearly! There have been adjustments made; I was a sprinter before, not a distance runner, and I don't know if I'll ever return to 100%. Yet, I've been able to compete in two 5k races so far. I decided it was time to push myself out of my comfort zone and tackle a 10k.
So there you have it - I'm trying my first 10k this weekend. Am I nervous? Yes, a bit. But, I can always walk it if I need to...and I'll never know if I can do it until I at least try.
Monday, March 14, 2011
Weekly Goal #3 - Try Something New
I sometimes find myself becoming a creature of habit,and
it appears my youngest child has the same tendency:
These pictures were taken on different days within the same week. I thinks it's safe to say my son is currently obsessed with anything "army" :)
What's wrong with finding something you like and sticking to that? After all, it's safe, comfortable, and predictable. The problem is, you're depriving yourself of new experiences and the opportunity to grow. Growth comes through challenges, and challenges usually come when you step out of your safety zone.
There's also the possibility you'll discover a new talent, new interests, and even new friends!
That's the goal for this week - pick something you've never done before and give it a whirl. After all, you'll never know if you like it unless you're willing to give it a try.
Sunday, March 13, 2011
A Reason to be Proud
I had the hardest time turning forty.
Actually, let me rephrase that.
I had the hardest time thinking about turning forty. It started around my thirty ninth birthday when I realized forty was just around the corner. In fact, I created the premise of this blog at that time - and I wasn't even forty yet!
As we were anticipating the birth of our long awaited fourth child, my husband was nearing his fortieth birthday. I remember he really struggled with the idea of having a child at that time in his life, and he was preoccupied about growing older. I thought it was the silliest thing and would often tease him about it. Yet, here I am four years later in the same situation as he was, feeling many of the same doubts and struggling to cope with them.
What is it about forty that seems to be difficult for some people (including me)?
Two days after I turned forty, our family was sitting in church. My youngest child had a confused look on his face; after looking at me for a minute, he said rather loudly,
"Mom, how old are you now?"
I tried to quiet him, but he persisted, "Didn't you just turn forty?" This was said in an even LOUDER tone, and people were beginning to stare.
It turned out my four-year-old was just beginning to warm up.
"That's pretty old, isn't it? Mom, you're old now!" By now, he was practically shouting, and I heard smothered laughter from nearby people.
My first thought was, 'How embarrassing - now everyone will know how old I am!" But as I thought about it further, I realized I had nothing to be embarrassed about.
In fact, I had every right to be proud. Proud of the experience, wisdom, and growth I've earned throughout my forty years. I resolved right then to hold my head high, and be unapologetic when people ask my age. I will not only tolerate this new chapter in my life, I will accept and embrace it.
And once I made that decision, forty has felt a lot better :)
*Just a reminder - I will be posting weekly goal #3 tomorrow!
Actually, let me rephrase that.
I had the hardest time thinking about turning forty. It started around my thirty ninth birthday when I realized forty was just around the corner. In fact, I created the premise of this blog at that time - and I wasn't even forty yet!
As we were anticipating the birth of our long awaited fourth child, my husband was nearing his fortieth birthday. I remember he really struggled with the idea of having a child at that time in his life, and he was preoccupied about growing older. I thought it was the silliest thing and would often tease him about it. Yet, here I am four years later in the same situation as he was, feeling many of the same doubts and struggling to cope with them.
What is it about forty that seems to be difficult for some people (including me)?
Two days after I turned forty, our family was sitting in church. My youngest child had a confused look on his face; after looking at me for a minute, he said rather loudly,
"Mom, how old are you now?"
I tried to quiet him, but he persisted, "Didn't you just turn forty?" This was said in an even LOUDER tone, and people were beginning to stare.
It turned out my four-year-old was just beginning to warm up.
"That's pretty old, isn't it? Mom, you're old now!" By now, he was practically shouting, and I heard smothered laughter from nearby people.
My first thought was, 'How embarrassing - now everyone will know how old I am!" But as I thought about it further, I realized I had nothing to be embarrassed about.
In fact, I had every right to be proud. Proud of the experience, wisdom, and growth I've earned throughout my forty years. I resolved right then to hold my head high, and be unapologetic when people ask my age. I will not only tolerate this new chapter in my life, I will accept and embrace it.
And once I made that decision, forty has felt a lot better :)
*Just a reminder - I will be posting weekly goal #3 tomorrow!
Thursday, March 10, 2011
No Going Back
Time glides on,
winds sift memories,
tides turn...the moment's gone. k.g. beatty, 1998
The above excerpt was taken from a literary project I was working on several years ago. I was trying to illustrate how quickly time passes - whether we wish it or not. And once the moment has passed there is no reclaiming it.
The scary thing is, time seems to march by even faster for me with each passing year! As I look around me, I can't believe I'm now officially middle aged, have been married for 20+ years, and am preparing for my second child's high school graduation. How did this happen so quickly?
Years ago when I was a mother of two very young children, I struggled to manage the demands of my little ones. I remember complaining to my mother one day, expecting her to commiserate with my situation as she had raised eight kids herself. I was quite surprised by her reply.
"Just enjoy your children," she advised, "Before you know it, they'll be gone. I really miss those days." At the time, having grown children seemed like a lifetime away. Now - in the proverbial blink of an eye later - it's arrived:
However, I still have two kids at home - one of them, a four-year-old. This little guy was a bit of a surprise, but a very welcome one. I can see how my parenting style has changed as I interact with him; I often find myself setting aside some of my daily duties to play with him, as I realize now that if I put it off until "later", it may never happen. Maybe this is why many siblings think the youngest child of the family is spoiled; I personally feel that by then the parents have finally figured things out a bit :)
I think back to playing childhood games and asking for a "do-over" if I made a mistake or didn't get the result I wanted. Unfortunately, this strategy doesn't work in real life! Once a second, or an hour, or a day has passed, it's gone for good. Sunsets fade, rain showers pass, and the chance to act is gone. As much as we wish it, there is no going back.
That's why it's important to take advantage of what EACH moment has to offer, especially in context to relationships with people who are important to you.
I love these words in the song Unwritten by Natalie Bedingfield:
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
The last line holds the key; you are the only one with the power to make the most of your moments. To take advantage of each moment. To live life the way you want to live it. To have no regrets. To seize the day.
winds sift memories,
tides turn...the moment's gone. k.g. beatty, 1998
The above excerpt was taken from a literary project I was working on several years ago. I was trying to illustrate how quickly time passes - whether we wish it or not. And once the moment has passed there is no reclaiming it.
The scary thing is, time seems to march by even faster for me with each passing year! As I look around me, I can't believe I'm now officially middle aged, have been married for 20+ years, and am preparing for my second child's high school graduation. How did this happen so quickly?
Years ago when I was a mother of two very young children, I struggled to manage the demands of my little ones. I remember complaining to my mother one day, expecting her to commiserate with my situation as she had raised eight kids herself. I was quite surprised by her reply.
"Just enjoy your children," she advised, "Before you know it, they'll be gone. I really miss those days." At the time, having grown children seemed like a lifetime away. Now - in the proverbial blink of an eye later - it's arrived:
In looking back across the years, I realize how often I naively assumed things were going to stay pretty much the same for a long time. I know there were moments I let slip away, figuring there would always be time to make use of them later. Unfortunately, "later" came much sooner than I expected. The time for making memories with my oldest kids has passed - all I can do now is hope they are good ones.
However, I still have two kids at home - one of them, a four-year-old. This little guy was a bit of a surprise, but a very welcome one. I can see how my parenting style has changed as I interact with him; I often find myself setting aside some of my daily duties to play with him, as I realize now that if I put it off until "later", it may never happen. Maybe this is why many siblings think the youngest child of the family is spoiled; I personally feel that by then the parents have finally figured things out a bit :)
I think back to playing childhood games and asking for a "do-over" if I made a mistake or didn't get the result I wanted. Unfortunately, this strategy doesn't work in real life! Once a second, or an hour, or a day has passed, it's gone for good. Sunsets fade, rain showers pass, and the chance to act is gone. As much as we wish it, there is no going back.
That's why it's important to take advantage of what EACH moment has to offer, especially in context to relationships with people who are important to you.
I love these words in the song Unwritten by Natalie Bedingfield:
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
The last line holds the key; you are the only one with the power to make the most of your moments. To take advantage of each moment. To live life the way you want to live it. To have no regrets. To seize the day.
The time is now, before your moment is...gone.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Practicing What I Preach
In looking over this blog, I realize I am asking you to make certain changes in your life without sharing much about how I am trying to incorporate these ideas into my own life. I decided I'd better start coming clean about overcoming my own struggles so people won't think I'm a hypocrite : )
Monday started with the best of intentions. My youngest child now has a three hour block of preschool twice a week, and I had all sorts of plans to make the most of that time. First on my list was renewing my driver's license. I made the 18 minute trek to the DMV only to discover it was a 2-3 hour wait. No biggie, I thought. I could swing by my next appointment a little early. I was planning to donate blood, so I'd brought along a book to read. I figured I could just read a few minutes in the parking lot before it was time for my appointment; after all, I love a good book :) I drove back to St. George and parked outside the donation building, and read for a few minutes before walking into my appointment. I had donated several times before, so I didn't anticipate any problems.
Boy, was I wrong. First, the computers were down so it took an extremely long time to check in. Next, it was discovered I was due for a physical. Nothing was said about needing a physical when I scheduled the appointment, so I hadn't planned time for it. Luckily, they were willing to squeeze me in; I soon began the first part of the physical, which included a lengthy interview about health history. We were just getting ready to begin the exam when the nurse asked if I'd had my vitals done yet. I hadn't, so I was sent over to the vitals area to have my blood pressure, heart rate, and temperate taken. Everything looked great as usual; the only test I had left was a quick finger prick to check my iron and protein levels. By this time, nearly an hour had passed and I was definitely more than ready to begin my donation. Unfortunately, I was thwarted from my goal once again; my iron level came in one point lower than they allow for donation.
Two of my precious "free" hours were now gone with nothing to show for it. There was nothing to do but try not to dwell on the disappointment and move on to my last errand. I had heard of a part-time employment opportunity that might fit my situation and I wanted to investigate it more thoroughly. I entered the building and spoke with the receptionist, who directed me to the person in charge of recruitment and hiring. After waiting for about 10 minutes, I was able to speak with this individual directly. We had a very nice conversation, and I was excited about finally getting something done.
My excitement was sadly short-lived. When the interviewer learned which job I was interested in, she told me that an outside company was in charge of filling that position. She passed on the address and phone number and wished me luck.
I was zero for three at this point, and I had just used up the last of my three hours. At this point, I was feeling much like this:
As I rushed home in time to get my little one from class, I could literally feel my blood pressure beginning to rise rapidly. But before I gave in to this wave of negative emotion, I suddenly remembered what I'd posted about earlier in the day and a sarcastic little voice in my head asked "are you enjoying the ride right now?" The answer was a resounding NO. Here I was, so caught up in "mourning the past" that I had effectively prevented myself from "living in the moment." (See last post)
I felt more than a little sheepish; here I had tossed my own advice out the window at the first sign of trouble! I immediately started to focus on the positive aspects of my day and soon began to feel calmer. Much calmer. And realized that as much as I hope to help others with this blog...I have a long ways to go myself.
Which is why I chose to share this journey with friends :)
Monday started with the best of intentions. My youngest child now has a three hour block of preschool twice a week, and I had all sorts of plans to make the most of that time. First on my list was renewing my driver's license. I made the 18 minute trek to the DMV only to discover it was a 2-3 hour wait. No biggie, I thought. I could swing by my next appointment a little early. I was planning to donate blood, so I'd brought along a book to read. I figured I could just read a few minutes in the parking lot before it was time for my appointment; after all, I love a good book :) I drove back to St. George and parked outside the donation building, and read for a few minutes before walking into my appointment. I had donated several times before, so I didn't anticipate any problems.
Boy, was I wrong. First, the computers were down so it took an extremely long time to check in. Next, it was discovered I was due for a physical. Nothing was said about needing a physical when I scheduled the appointment, so I hadn't planned time for it. Luckily, they were willing to squeeze me in; I soon began the first part of the physical, which included a lengthy interview about health history. We were just getting ready to begin the exam when the nurse asked if I'd had my vitals done yet. I hadn't, so I was sent over to the vitals area to have my blood pressure, heart rate, and temperate taken. Everything looked great as usual; the only test I had left was a quick finger prick to check my iron and protein levels. By this time, nearly an hour had passed and I was definitely more than ready to begin my donation. Unfortunately, I was thwarted from my goal once again; my iron level came in one point lower than they allow for donation.
Two of my precious "free" hours were now gone with nothing to show for it. There was nothing to do but try not to dwell on the disappointment and move on to my last errand. I had heard of a part-time employment opportunity that might fit my situation and I wanted to investigate it more thoroughly. I entered the building and spoke with the receptionist, who directed me to the person in charge of recruitment and hiring. After waiting for about 10 minutes, I was able to speak with this individual directly. We had a very nice conversation, and I was excited about finally getting something done.
My excitement was sadly short-lived. When the interviewer learned which job I was interested in, she told me that an outside company was in charge of filling that position. She passed on the address and phone number and wished me luck.
I was zero for three at this point, and I had just used up the last of my three hours. At this point, I was feeling much like this:
 |
| My 8th grader, caught in an obvious moment of frustration! |
I felt more than a little sheepish; here I had tossed my own advice out the window at the first sign of trouble! I immediately started to focus on the positive aspects of my day and soon began to feel calmer. Much calmer. And realized that as much as I hope to help others with this blog...I have a long ways to go myself.
Which is why I chose to share this journey with friends :)
Monday, March 7, 2011
Weekly Goal #2 - Joy in the Journey
How many of you enjoy traveling?
I personally like seeing new places and meeting new people. However, I sometimes find the time spent in the car or plane to be tedious. When I have an extended journey planned, I prepare in advance to avoid becoming bored. Favorite music, sudoku puzzles, and a fat novel are some of the items I bring along for distraction during my ride. Providing distractions in the car became even more desirable as I started having children and began traveling with them.
This strategy is fine for dealing with vacations, but how many of us approach life this way? Filling each moment from dawn to dusk with activities that act as distractions, while forgetting that in life, it's the journey itself that's important?
What is your "journey" like? Is it rushed and hurried as you jump from one thing to the next, or are you making time to take in the sights and sounds around you?
I believe life is made up of moments, each one special and unique, and each - unfortunately - irretrievable. It is up to us to learn how to savor and enjoy each one of them.
How can you learn to slow down a little and enjoy your ride? I've put together a short list of strategies I've found helpful when I feel my own life speeding by too quickly:
1 - Live in the moment. Too many times, we find ourselves so focused on mourning the past or anticipating the future that we fail to enjoy what's happening NOW. Try to savor the events of "today".
2 - Avoid over scheduling. It's okay not to schedule every minute of every day. Leaving some open time for "whatever" will help you feel less rushed and eliminate stress if unexpected things crop up.
3 - Learn to say "no". While service is a great way to spend your time, recognize your limitations. It's okay to decline if you're already feeling overwhelmed with your situation.
4 - Watch a sunset. Look at cloud formations. See a flower that's uncurling it's tender new petals. Little children are great at noticing the wonders of nature around them; try to follow their example.
That's the assignment for this week; slowing your life down a little, allowing yourself time to notice and appreciate what's going on around you. After all, life's a journey, not a destination. And, as the Huggies' commercial recommends, we should enjoy the ride!
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Day of Reckoning
Okay, I know the title might be a little dramatic - but I wanted to get your attention :)
It's the end of the week, which means it's time to look back. See what you've learned. Check how you did on the assignment. If you decided not to join in this week,you should feel totally guilty it's okay. Maybe next week's goal will be something more relevant to you.
If you participated in the "Getting To Know YOU" exercise, I hope you were able to learn a little more about yourself. One of the questions I personally concentrated on was the one which asked for three adjectives to describe myself. The ones I came up with are: compassionate, competitive, and creative. It was also interesting to compare how some of my answers to the questions have changed over the years.
I know that writing a mission statement wasn't strictly an assignment, but I thought I'd throw the idea out there for those of you who wanted a little "extra credit". Here's what mine ended up looking like:
Actually, I decided not to share this time; I want to keep the contents private. It is a personal statement, after all! But please know that I have one. If you have never before attempted to write a "PS", I don't expect yours to be finished yet. In fact, I suggest you take some time to think it over before committing to a final draft. Even then, I'm sure you'll make revisions to it as your circumstances change. That's what happened to me this week as I looked mine over.
I hope this week has been a fun and informative one for you. I know I'm bound to make some mistakes as I begin this process - so please be patient with me :) Please check in tomorrow as I reveal area #2 of the "finding self" focus.
It's the end of the week, which means it's time to look back. See what you've learned. Check how you did on the assignment. If you decided not to join in this week,
If you participated in the "Getting To Know YOU" exercise, I hope you were able to learn a little more about yourself. One of the questions I personally concentrated on was the one which asked for three adjectives to describe myself. The ones I came up with are: compassionate, competitive, and creative. It was also interesting to compare how some of my answers to the questions have changed over the years.
I know that writing a mission statement wasn't strictly an assignment, but I thought I'd throw the idea out there for those of you who wanted a little "extra credit". Here's what mine ended up looking like:
Actually, I decided not to share this time; I want to keep the contents private. It is a personal statement, after all! But please know that I have one. If you have never before attempted to write a "PS", I don't expect yours to be finished yet. In fact, I suggest you take some time to think it over before committing to a final draft. Even then, I'm sure you'll make revisions to it as your circumstances change. That's what happened to me this week as I looked mine over.
I hope this week has been a fun and informative one for you. I know I'm bound to make some mistakes as I begin this process - so please be patient with me :) Please check in tomorrow as I reveal area #2 of the "finding self" focus.
Friday, March 4, 2011
Making Your Statement
Have you made a statement lately?
I'm not talking about clothes, cars, or any type of physical apparel or apparatus.
I'm talking about writing a personal statement.
Just as businesses and organizations have mission statements to help define and solidify their purpose, an individual can also create his/her own personal mission statement. A written declaration to bring clarity, supply focus, and provide a more purposeful life.
What a great tool this can be in discovering who you truly are! I like to think of it as a map leading to incredible treasure, or the ultimate study guide for passing an important test.
This concept sounds great and all, but how does one go about putting together a mission statement?
Let me share some of my strategies. First, find some quiet time - time without distractions or interruptions. Then, take this opportunity for some good, old fashioned soul searching. What would you like to accomplish in your life? Which things are most important to you? You may want to examine where are you in your life and compare it to where you would like to be. Is there a gap between the two? Think of what's needed to bring your present reality and future dreams closer together.
Make sure to write your ideas down; otherwise, some of these thoughts will be lost (I know from past experience). Put this in a place where you can review it often, making changes as needed. Keep revising until you are satisfied your finished product accurately reflects who you are, who you'd like to be, and how you'd like to accomplish that. Place the final statement in a place where it will not be forgotten, and read it regularly.
What should the finished product look like? It may be short and sweet, or long and wordy. Perhaps it might only be a list of key words, or several ideas strung together in a cohesive paragraph. I'll give you one guess which extreme mine looks like :) Length doesn't matter, as long as it makes sense to you and serves the purpose it was created for.
I'm not talking about clothes, cars, or any type of physical apparel or apparatus.
I'm talking about writing a personal statement.
Just as businesses and organizations have mission statements to help define and solidify their purpose, an individual can also create his/her own personal mission statement. A written declaration to bring clarity, supply focus, and provide a more purposeful life.
What a great tool this can be in discovering who you truly are! I like to think of it as a map leading to incredible treasure, or the ultimate study guide for passing an important test.
This concept sounds great and all, but how does one go about putting together a mission statement?
Let me share some of my strategies. First, find some quiet time - time without distractions or interruptions. Then, take this opportunity for some good, old fashioned soul searching. What would you like to accomplish in your life? Which things are most important to you? You may want to examine where are you in your life and compare it to where you would like to be. Is there a gap between the two? Think of what's needed to bring your present reality and future dreams closer together.
Make sure to write your ideas down; otherwise, some of these thoughts will be lost (I know from past experience). Put this in a place where you can review it often, making changes as needed. Keep revising until you are satisfied your finished product accurately reflects who you are, who you'd like to be, and how you'd like to accomplish that. Place the final statement in a place where it will not be forgotten, and read it regularly.
What should the finished product look like? It may be short and sweet, or long and wordy. Perhaps it might only be a list of key words, or several ideas strung together in a cohesive paragraph. I'll give you one guess which extreme mine looks like :) Length doesn't matter, as long as it makes sense to you and serves the purpose it was created for.
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Weekly Goal #1 - Getting to Know "You"
Who are you?
At first glance, this question seems deceptively simple. Yet, stop and think about it - when was the last time you sat down and took inventory of yourself? Really examined the things that make you, well, YOU.
What are your hopes? Dreams? Things you either really like or strongly dislike? Pet peeves? Strengths and weaknesses? Which things are most important to you? What are you motivated by? Have any of these answers changed over the years? If so, how and why?
My husband and I have strong pageant backgrounds in the roles of director, producer, and participant. We've helped prepare contestants for interview competition in local, state, and national pageants. The key to having a good interview is the ability to sell yourself to the judges. It's difficult to promote an item you know little about; you probably wouldn't buy a car from a salesman who knew little or nothing about the vehicle he's trying to sell. This same concept applies to "selling" yourself. One of the first steps in our interview preparation is to give the contestants a list of questions that requires them to take a deeper look at themselves.
I'd like to pass along some of these questions for you to mull over. While you probably aren't preparing for a pageant, these will hopefully provoke some critical thinking:
Which three adjectives best describe me?
Other than a family member, who has had the greatest impact in my life? Why?
If I only had one day to live, how would I spend it?
Am I attracted to someone more by their looks or their personality?
Would I rather watch the movie or read the book?
If my home were on fire and I could only rescue one item, what would it be? Why?
What is one quality I don't have but would like to possess?
How would my best friend describe me?
If I could meet any famous person (dead or alive) who would it be?
Which am I motivated most by: money, power, praise, or duty?
Am I a leader, or a follower?
If I could change one decision I have made, which would it be?
After I die, what is the one thing I hope people will remember about me?
What is one possession I absolutely couldn't go without for a day?
What would people who know me well be surprised to learn about me?
Of course there are many other questions, but these happen to be some of my favorites. Do you have favorites of your own not listed here? If so, please feel free to share them.
I challenge you to take a little time over the next few days to think through these questions and closely examine the results. Obviously, there are no right or wrong answers; each answer will be unique to the individual answering the question. I only ask that you be honest as you set out to know yourself a little better.
At first glance, this question seems deceptively simple. Yet, stop and think about it - when was the last time you sat down and took inventory of yourself? Really examined the things that make you, well, YOU.
What are your hopes? Dreams? Things you either really like or strongly dislike? Pet peeves? Strengths and weaknesses? Which things are most important to you? What are you motivated by? Have any of these answers changed over the years? If so, how and why?
My husband and I have strong pageant backgrounds in the roles of director, producer, and participant. We've helped prepare contestants for interview competition in local, state, and national pageants. The key to having a good interview is the ability to sell yourself to the judges. It's difficult to promote an item you know little about; you probably wouldn't buy a car from a salesman who knew little or nothing about the vehicle he's trying to sell. This same concept applies to "selling" yourself. One of the first steps in our interview preparation is to give the contestants a list of questions that requires them to take a deeper look at themselves.
I'd like to pass along some of these questions for you to mull over. While you probably aren't preparing for a pageant, these will hopefully provoke some critical thinking:
Which three adjectives best describe me?
Other than a family member, who has had the greatest impact in my life? Why?
If I only had one day to live, how would I spend it?
Am I attracted to someone more by their looks or their personality?
Would I rather watch the movie or read the book?
If my home were on fire and I could only rescue one item, what would it be? Why?
What is one quality I don't have but would like to possess?
How would my best friend describe me?
If I could meet any famous person (dead or alive) who would it be?
Which am I motivated most by: money, power, praise, or duty?
Am I a leader, or a follower?
If I could change one decision I have made, which would it be?
After I die, what is the one thing I hope people will remember about me?
What is one possession I absolutely couldn't go without for a day?
What would people who know me well be surprised to learn about me?
Of course there are many other questions, but these happen to be some of my favorites. Do you have favorites of your own not listed here? If so, please feel free to share them.
I challenge you to take a little time over the next few days to think through these questions and closely examine the results. Obviously, there are no right or wrong answers; each answer will be unique to the individual answering the question. I only ask that you be honest as you set out to know yourself a little better.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Focus #1 - SELF
As this focus will be the one that kicks off my quest of "finding forty", I felt it needed to be extra relevant. In reviewing all twelve focuses, it soon became clear the area of "self" needed to be first. In this busy world, we are pulled in many directions. There are so many in our sphere of influence needing our time and energy: children, spouses, coworkers, neighbors, friends...the list goes on and on. While serving and interacting with others is a worthy and necessary part of our lives, it's all too easy to neglect the most important person in our lives - our self.
As a wife and mother I often find myself totally focused on the needs of my family, neglecting myself in the process. As a result, I can grow emotionally and physically exhausted during these times - actually hampering my ability to serve those I love. I find myself complaining more often, acting impatient with those around me, and generally feeling unhappy.
There is a quote which states "Physician, heal thyself". Basically, this saying illustrates the point that before we can help others, we must first help ourselves. I'm not suggesting we take this advice to the extreme and spend all day every day focused on our own wants and needs. That would be selfish. However, it would be wise to spend at least a few moments of our day take care of ourselves. Snatch a few pages of reading from our favorite novel. Go on a brief walk. Take that bubble bath. Remember our dreams.
This is why I chose "self" as the first area of focus; it is critical to find balance and peace within ourselves. For once we do, we're not only better equipped to help those around us, we're also better prepared to take on life and its challenges.
Coming tomorrow - weekly goal #1
As a wife and mother I often find myself totally focused on the needs of my family, neglecting myself in the process. As a result, I can grow emotionally and physically exhausted during these times - actually hampering my ability to serve those I love. I find myself complaining more often, acting impatient with those around me, and generally feeling unhappy.
There is a quote which states "Physician, heal thyself". Basically, this saying illustrates the point that before we can help others, we must first help ourselves. I'm not suggesting we take this advice to the extreme and spend all day every day focused on our own wants and needs. That would be selfish. However, it would be wise to spend at least a few moments of our day take care of ourselves. Snatch a few pages of reading from our favorite novel. Go on a brief walk. Take that bubble bath. Remember our dreams.
This is why I chose "self" as the first area of focus; it is critical to find balance and peace within ourselves. For once we do, we're not only better equipped to help those around us, we're also better prepared to take on life and its challenges.
Coming tomorrow - weekly goal #1
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Birth of a Blog
I won't lie.
I dreaded turning 40. From the moment I turned 39, I felt the shadow of my next birthday looming over me.
Forty is a death sentence for a female. While men in their forties are considered "in their prime", women are considered "over the hill". It didn't seem fair.
What could I do? As much as I wanted to magically slow down the clock, that wasn't going to happen. I decided to change my strategy; I couldn't stop myself from turning forty, but I could change how I felt about.
I could use this turning point for a purpose, or go on feeling sorry for myself.
So, I came up with a plan. A plan to prepare myself to be my BEST self as I enter this phase of my life. A plan to provide focus and purpose as I enter this next stage of life.
I invite you to join me. Everyone hits a wall at some point in their lives; whether it is burnout at work, struggles as a stay at home mom, or as part of the aging process. Maybe you are just beginning adulthood and are striving to find your identity; wherever you are in your life's journey, I hope this blog will help you rediscover yourself!
I dreaded turning 40. From the moment I turned 39, I felt the shadow of my next birthday looming over me.
Forty is a death sentence for a female. While men in their forties are considered "in their prime", women are considered "over the hill". It didn't seem fair.
What could I do? As much as I wanted to magically slow down the clock, that wasn't going to happen. I decided to change my strategy; I couldn't stop myself from turning forty, but I could change how I felt about.
I could use this turning point for a purpose, or go on feeling sorry for myself.
So, I came up with a plan. A plan to prepare myself to be my BEST self as I enter this phase of my life. A plan to provide focus and purpose as I enter this next stage of life.
I invite you to join me. Everyone hits a wall at some point in their lives; whether it is burnout at work, struggles as a stay at home mom, or as part of the aging process. Maybe you are just beginning adulthood and are striving to find your identity; wherever you are in your life's journey, I hope this blog will help you rediscover yourself!
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