I had the hardest time turning forty.
Actually, let me rephrase that.
I had the hardest time thinking about turning forty. It started around my thirty ninth birthday when I realized forty was just around the corner. In fact, I created the premise of this blog at that time - and I wasn't even forty yet!
As we were anticipating the birth of our long awaited fourth child, my husband was nearing his fortieth birthday. I remember he really struggled with the idea of having a child at that time in his life, and he was preoccupied about growing older. I thought it was the silliest thing and would often tease him about it. Yet, here I am four years later in the same situation as he was, feeling many of the same doubts and struggling to cope with them.
What is it about forty that seems to be difficult for some people (including me)?
Two days after I turned forty, our family was sitting in church. My youngest child had a confused look on his face; after looking at me for a minute, he said rather loudly,
"Mom, how old are you now?"
I tried to quiet him, but he persisted, "Didn't you just turn forty?" This was said in an even LOUDER tone, and people were beginning to stare.
It turned out my four-year-old was just beginning to warm up.
"That's pretty old, isn't it? Mom, you're old now!" By now, he was practically shouting, and I heard smothered laughter from nearby people.
My first thought was, 'How embarrassing - now everyone will know how old I am!" But as I thought about it further, I realized I had nothing to be embarrassed about.
In fact, I had every right to be proud. Proud of the experience, wisdom, and growth I've earned throughout my forty years. I resolved right then to hold my head high, and be unapologetic when people ask my age. I will not only tolerate this new chapter in my life, I will accept and embrace it.
And once I made that decision, forty has felt a lot better :)
*Just a reminder - I will be posting weekly goal #3 tomorrow!
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